[Section 15] Intrepid Wingnuterer agent chases Conservatives down fire stairs

The Wingnuterer managed to get one of its many agents into the Sunday "In-and-Out" briefing held by the Conservatives. Disguised as a balding fat white guy, the agent was able to deeply infiltrate the gathering.

This recording is of what happened after the Conservatives left the room, heading for some fire doors.

Wingnuterer Agent: Hey! Where are you going? You're splitting from your press conference!

Random Conservative: Quick! Someone yell fire!

Conservative Chorus: Fire! Fire!

Wingnuterer Agent: There's no fire! You guys are falsely yelling fire in a crowded room!

Conservative Spin Doctor: The room is not crowded because we have left it. We are also not in the room. And FREE SPEECH!

Conservative Spin Doctor #2: Don't make us sue you for libel. Don't print any of this!

Wingnuterer Agent: But it's true!

Conservative Chorus: HA HA HA!!!

Wingnuterer Agent: Doesn't that door say 'Fire exit only'?

Conservative Spin Doctor: We did yell 'Fire', you know, though not in a crowded room. And we weren't in the room. So we can use the doors.

Conservative Spin Doctor #2: The 'Fire exit only' rule doesn't apply to conservatives, and, besides, all the political parties are using it.

Wingnuterer Agent: But the only ones using this stairwell are you guys.

Conservative Spin Doctor: That's because your coverage is unfair. You should be watching this door all the time to ensure not only conservatives are using it. Until you do that, you'd best not publish anything.

Conservative Spin Doctor #2: We would hate to have to cut your access to the Hill.

Conservative Spin Doctor: And YOU are using the stairwell. You are clearly a Liberal Party mole. So it would be defamatory to say only conservatives are using the stairwell.

Conservative Spin Doctor: We'd hate to sue you for libel.

Wingnuterer Agent: Grunt! What are you doing?

Conservative Chorus: We are shutting the fire door behind us.

Wingnuterer Agent: But I'm trying to get through!

Conservative Spin Doctor: You should not be using a fire door.

Wingnuterer Agent: You did!

Conservative Spin Doctor: Yes, but we yelled 'Fire', you didn't.

Conservative Spin Doctor #2: And you clearly aren't conservative, so you can't use the door unless there's a fire.

Wingnuterer Agent: But you yelled 'fire'!

Conservative Spin Doctor: Yes, but you didn't, and you clearly don't believe us. So we can use the door and you can't.

The door slammed shut. When our agent got the door open, there was no one to be seen. Only an intense smell remained – the stink of fear.

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Posted By Mark Francis to Section 15 at 4/21/2008 10:30:00 AM